Affect Regulation · The Process of Therapy · Trauma Therapy

Calm in the Storm – The New Book on Settling Strong Emotion!

004-Stacked-Paperback-books
Before we can heal from trauma, we need to develop the ability to be with the strong emotions associated with trauma memories. These skills are taught in counselling, but what about all the folks that haven’t yet started up counselling? I have been working on that resource, and I am so pleased to tell you that it is now available!

Calm in the Storm is collection of simple emotion regulation strategies that can be used by anyone who experiences anxiety, panic, and symptoms of post-traumatic stress – to shift them out of intense emotion and back into a place of internal safety. The book is written in a way that can help folks develop a new relationship with emotion, one that lets them off that roller-coaster ride of emotional ups-and-downs, that enables them to feel more in control.  

When it comes to symptoms of anxiety and post-traumatic stress, we need to know how to regulate emotion – those are all those grounding and containment skills designed to bring us back to the present moment and enabling us to shift out of high motion. Healing the trauma or underlying reasons that spike us into anxiety is important, but folks need a starting point. This book is that starting point. It will ignite hope and spark a renewed belief in one’s inner potential. It isn’t meant to replace counselling, but the book is a great starting point for folks who need to develop some basic regulation skills before delving into trauma work with a therapist.

bookoutline

“Once we discover the ability to settle strong emotion, the emotion itself becomes less frightening” – Susan Guttridge

Pick up your copy of Calm in the Storm today, and please check back and let me know which strategies worked best for you.

For sale now at the following locations:

 

 

The Process of Therapy

How to Talk to Someone who is Struggling

letstalk_43716310Have you ever been at a loss for what to say when someone you know is having a hard time? Show you care by speaking from your heart. Try one of these statements:

  • If you don’t want to talk about it, I’m still going to be here for you
  • I care about you
  • Take all the time you need. I’m here for you
  • I’m available to go with you if you need support (to doctor appointments, to buy groceries, etc.)
  • I’m bringing dinner over (or any other act of kindness that will alleviate pressure)
  • I wish I could take the hurt away. But since I can’t, I’ll just hang out here with you.
  • I’m sorry. I’m here to listen

Show up, be available, talk about the tough stuff.

The truth is, at any time in our lives, any one of us may struggle emotionally. What would you need if it were you? Thinking about what you might need to hear can help you if you aren’t sure what to say.

Remember, not everyone who is struggling will show that they are struggling. As a general rule, treat people with kindness and seek first to understand before making judgments.

Any ideas to add to the list? Please share your suggestions in the comments – helping each other will ripple out to help the people we encounter.

Mindful Parenting

Developing Mindful Awareness

sunriseThe concept of mindfulness has become increasingly popular over the last few years, and involves the ability to notice what is going on for you at any given moment, without judgment. Mindfulness is a learned skill that one acquires through regular practice. For example, if you start to feel some of the physiological sensations of anxiety, stress, or anger, (such as rapid heart beat, shallow breathing, heat in face), it is important to stop what you are doing and ask yourself “what is going on for me right now?”. This will get you present and focusing on yourself in the moment. Answering this question will involve noticing what thoughts you are having that may be contributing to physiological sensations (of increasing frustration, anxiety, anger). It also helps to notice what is going on for you in your environment (the immediate situation).

Daniel Siegel (2007), a researcher and author on the topic of mindfulness, describes mindfulness in the following way:

“Mindfulness means paying attention, in the present moment, on purpose, without grasping onto judgments. Mindful awareness involves paying attention to whatever arises within the mind from moment to moment. Recent studies of mindful awareness reveal that it can result in improvements in a range of physiological, mental, and interpersonal domains of our lives. People who develop the capacity to pay attention in the present moment without grasping onto their inevitable judgments also develop a deeper sense of well-being.”

All too often to tend to ignore what our bodies are telling us and just get on with daily life. We create habits for ourselves of going through each day in a state of ‘mindlessness’. However, in order to maximize our potential (and our potential happiness) in daily living, andlive without fear and anxiety, we need to tune into ourselves with regular “check-ins”.

Try working through an example so that you are better equipped to apply this technique when needed. Think of a time recently when you noticed you were starting to feel anxious, fearful, angry, stressed, etc. What body sensations did you experience? What thoughts were going through your mind? For example, what were you telling yourself about the situation or about your ability to handle the situation?

When you notice that you are feeling discomfort, it is important to acknowledge it. Notice what is going on for you and then do something about it. Perhaps you need to do something to calm down. Or perhaps you have been triggered and need to take a few moments away from the situation to regroup. Perhaps you need to reframe negative self-talk. When you are calm, your problem-solving skills are enhanced. Remembering to take deep, slow, regular breaths is an important part of staying calm and in control.

If you tend to be triggered by certain behaviours in your children, practicing using mindfulness in your parenting. Remember, it is not the event that determines your reaction – it is your thought or interpretation of that event that determines your reaction. Without mindfulness, we risk reacting to situations without noticing our thoughts and physiological cues that cause us to react in the ways we do. Doing check-ins to increase mindfulness can enable you to take control of your actions and reactions at all different points in the cycle, and increase feelings of control, calmness, and competence.

Reference:

Siegel, D. (2007). The mindful brain: Reflection and attunement in the cultivation of well- being.  New York, NY: W. W. Norton & Company, Inc.

This article was originally posted on November 1, 2010, to Happy Parents = Happy Kids (focusedonparenting.wordpress.com) by Susan Guttridge

Mindful Parenting · Trauma Therapy

Returning to the Present Moment in 5-4-3-2-1

The strategy I’d like to share with you here is helpful for shifting out of strong emotion. It is considered a “grounding strategy”. Being ‘grounded’ simply refers to the notion of being emotionally and mentally present in the here and now.

Known as 5-4-3-2-1, the underlying technique here originates from trauma therapy. It is used to help individuals be present in the moment: it can slow racing thoughts, stop flashbacks, minimize addictive cravings, ease ruminating, and lessen anxiety. And, it is incredibly easy to learn and apply. If you catch yourself and your child/teen arguing and the situation seems to only be escalating, excuse yourself for a few minutes (just say you need a few minutes to calm down), and use this technique to ground yourself so that you can return to the present situation. In your mind (or out loud if you are alone), focus on the following things in great detail:

  • 5 things you can see (such as different colours, or items in the room you are in)
  • 4 things you can touch (such as things you can physically feel with your hands, or feet, or the temperature),
  • 3 things you can hear (listen carefully!),
  • 2 things you can smell, and
  • 1 thing you can taste

This grounding strategy can help you to shift your focus away from internal, emotional experiencing, to external distraction (the trick is to get out of your head and into the present moment!). Focus on external details as you talk through the sequence. Notice your breathing will slow from when you first begin the strategy to the time you complete it. Allow the the full cycle (from 5 down to 1) to take a few minutes; take your time and truly allow yourself to be distracted from your inner chatter.

Try this strategy if you find that you are feeling over-whelmed, emotionally flooded, or even just very spacey and not able to focus. Once you complete the cycle, check in with your inner processing and try again to resolve the situation with your child/teen.

This article was originally posted on October 20, 2010, to Happy Parents = Happy Kids (focusedonparenting.wordpress.com) by Susan Guttridge

Affect Regulation

Emergency Plan for Panic

The sensations of panic can either rise-up suddenly and out of the blue, or amp up slowly until they are in full swing and derail your day. When the full force of panic hits, it can feel so incredibly frightening, that every subsequent panic attack can often be triggered by thoughts of that very first one. This article will briefly outline the nature of panic, then move into emergency strategies to settle panic when it rises up.

This article is not an alternative to counselling. If you experience panic, please seek out a mental health professional to walk alongside you as heal and build the skills you need to live panic-free. And, while these ideas are shared as strategies anyone can use to settle panic, there are times when what we need most is a person to wait out the storm with us. If you are struggling to settle the strong sensations of panic, please reach out to a support person.

The sensations we so often associate with actually panic serve an important purpose. Panic is the intense side of a response that is actually very adaptive. Low levels of anxiety mobilize us to take action, to get safe from harm, and to be adequately prepared.

Perhaps you are familiar with the sudden flash of activation that sparks up in your body when a car suddenly swerves into your lane. That sudden activation that sparks up is exactly what enables you to pull your car to safety. It may take some time, but once we are safe that activation starts to settle. When it doesn’t settle, or when no event tends to trigger it, that is when we need to seek help. Click here to learn more about anxiety and panic.

Panic is about a Faulty Switch. When the sensation of panic hits us out of nowhere, or when we awaken in a panic, we are bombarded with highly activated body sensations and emotions, and our mind is often flooded with confusion.

The sensations of panic can include:

  • racing heart,
  • sweating,
  • shaking or trembling,
  • shortness of breath,
  • chest pain,
  • chills or hot flashes,
  • upset stomach and/or nausea,
  • dizziness or lightheadedness,
  • numbness or tingling sensations.

The sensations can feel incredibly confusing, and thoughts tend to spiral around “Why is this happening to me? There is no danger, I must be going crazy. Maybe I’m dying”.

When the full force of panic hits we need to switch gears, so to speak. Check out the strategies outlined below, and give each one a practice now. Then, should you find your self in panic, please turn to one of these strategies to shift gears back into emotional safety.

panic_38393639 (1)

Experiencing panic doesn’t have to be a life sentence. Please use the ideas here to interrupt the escalation of panic, in order to return to the present moment. Check out the resources in your community, or access a mental health professional for help stepping out of the pattern of worry, anxiety, and panic.

Let’s all keep sharing what works. Please use the comments below to share what works for you to navigate out of panic.

Resources:

 

Affect Regulation · The Process of Therapy · Uncategorized

Journaling 101

journalingTo write in a journal or not to write in a journal, that is the question. Do you dread writing down your deepest thoughts for fear someone might find your journal and read it? If so, you are exactly like most people! I’d like to share a strategy that will respect your privacy while also facilitating the hugely therapeutic process of journaling. I recognize that writing isn’t for everyone, and that it’s important to find what works for you.

The Reason to Write: Emotional Coping

The bubbling up of strong emotions tends to leave people feeling out of control, over-whelmed, and flooded. During these moments, one’s immediate reaction may be to shut down the emotions causing them to feel that way. We do this in all kinds of ways – some healthy and some super unhealthy. Coping well, and healing from trauma, is about being with the emotions and the message those emotions are providing in a more conscious and titrated way. Writing those heavy thoughts down is one way to get them out of your head, see them more objectively, and process some of the emotion connected to them.

Always use Two Journals

Journal 1 – The Dumping Journal
Your dumping journal can be any notepad or piece of paper. What you write on isn’t important, because once you dump the thoughts, you will be destroying the page. A dumping journal can be used to work through strong emotions, such as anxiety, anger, and grief. When you feel the pull of strong emotions, write about it. Literally dump it from your head onto the page – write it, draw it, scribble it, paint it. Write about the situation and about what’s stirring up for you.

Tip: If you sit down to journal and no words are coming – keep writing. Put your pen to paper and just write anything that comes to you. Within a few minutes the flow of thought will start to pour out onto the page.

This journal is called a dumping journal because we dump out the nagging emotions and thoughts onto page. Once complete, feel free to review what you have written, and then destroy the page. Shred it, burn it (safely) – ensure there is no record. The therapy isn’t in keeping what you write down, it’s about getting it out of your head and onto paper so you can work through it. The dumping journal isn’t to be kept because it’s not a reflection of who you truly are – it’s the angry, sad, traumatized, frightened, disorganized, annoyed, and vulnerable parts of you that are simply finding a voice. Each page gets destroyed after it’s been created in order to maintain the privacy of your healing process.

Journal 2 – The Healing Journal
The healing journal is the one that you will keep, so take some time to find a beautiful book to use. On any given day you may want to look back through this journal for strength, motivation, and a reminder of what sustains you. The healing journal is the one that you will to use to document all the good stuff. Some examples include:

  • a technique you learned that helps you cope,
  • something about life you learned that impacted you,
  • an “aha” moment,
  • things you are grateful for,
  • positive memories and photos,
  • the best fortune cookie message you ever received,
  • anything that reminds you of your strength, perseverance, and worth.

Here is how it works:

Whenever you have finished writing in your dumping journal, turn to the healing journal and write something positive. Turn towards gratitude, acknowledge your worth, connect with your peaceful place. Perhaps what you want to do differently tomorrow, or something that sustains you, or motivates you, or all the examples from your past that have demonstrated your ability to persist.

If you have written or processed something pretty heavy in the dumping journal, you may want to do something symbolic that represents a clear division between processing hurts and daily life. Taking a shower or washing your hands can be symbolic of washing it away, have a cup of tea do 10 burpees – whatever works to better enable your brain to recognize the dumping is complete and you are now letting go and returning to the present moment.

Tip: If you journal at bedtime, and then have difficulty settling the thoughts as you try to fall asleep, gently remind yourself that you have already “done the work” for the day and that it’s now your ‘time off’. Pull your peaceful place image back in as often as needed, or use a bedtime story app such as Calm.com to settle in for sleep.

Additional Resources to Inspire Journaling

Rhonda Brynes talks about writing 10 things for which you feel grateful for each day, in her book titled “The Magic”

Kristen Neff talks about journalling to build self-compassion 

The Process of Therapy · Uncategorized

Christmas isn’t a Glorious time of year for Everyone

Last week I was invited to speak on the topic of caring for those in your life who might be struggling over the Christmas holidays. A women’s group, who recognized how easy it can be to get swept up in the busy-ness of holiday cheer, wanted to ensure they were picking up on the signs of those who might be struggling in order to be present, attuned, and responsive to their needs.

Christmas background

The truth is, the holidays really aren’t glorious for everyone and may even create a worsening of symptoms connected to low mood, anxiety, and loss. While I can’t give you the webinar verbatim, here are a highlight of ideas to help you connect with the people you know who may find the winter holidays difficult.

1) Use your Intuition, and know the Signs

Not everyone is going to tell you how they are feeling, and the signs of depression and anxiety are not always obvious. Use your intuition and knowledge of the person. Here are some additional indicators to be aware of:

  • An increased negative outlook that is out of character
  • Increased challenges in getting in touch with someone when you know they are in town, not working, or generally available
  • They are frequently late when previously they were always on-time
  • They seem to no longer put effort into their appearance when previously did

Things Someone who is Struggling might say

When we are truly listening, we are not thinking about what to say next. Truly listening means we are attuned to the person speaking. When you listen, you may hear clues the person is using to tell you they are struggling.

It might sound a lot like:

  • “I’m having a hard time these days”
  • “I feel so stressed out”
  • “The holidays have never been a good time of year for me”
  • “I hope the holidays pass quickly”
  • “I’m not looking forward to it…”
  • “I feel depressed”
  • “The holidays are hard for me”

depression_sympt

2) General Guideline Ideas to Care for Someone who is Struggling

  • Don’t assume to know how another person is feeling
  • Don’t diagnose (Do know the symptoms and offer resources if you are worried, but try to stay away from Dr. Google!)
  • Do alter your expectations of what the holiday season means to people
  • Do spend less time talking about what you are giving or have received for Christmas
  • Don’t force large get-together’s on people who have declined your invitation (Do put effort into seeing them one-on-one)
  • Don’t take it personally if someone leaves a get-together early  (Do put effort into checking in on them the next day)
  • Don’t assume everyone is going to want help
  • Do know your community resources, helpful apps, and be ready to listen

3) The Tyranny of “Are you Okay?”

Ah yes – beware the “Are you okay?” question. Have you ever noticed that asking “Are you okay?” often assumes you are looking for the person to say they are not, and when their answer contradicts this expectation, you feel they are withholding information and therefore repeatedly ask “Are you okay?” until frustration ensues and yup – you guessed it, now they really aren’t okay!

Asking “Are you okay?” sets you up for an unfulfilled answer. Try not to ask it, and try these options instead. The answers they may elicit will yield far greater information and the recipient of the question may even feel more understood and validated.

Instead of asking “Are you Okay?”, try asking:

  • “It seems like you’re feeling down, how are you today?”
  • “How do you feel you are coping with the holidays this year?”
  • “How are the holidays going for you?”
  • “It seems like you are really struggling; how can I help?”
  • “I remember this time of year is hard for you; can I spend some time with you?”
  • “I know these get-togethers can be challenging; what do you need for it to work for you?”

4) Tune the Heart through Positive Shared Experience

Research has found that connecting with a practice of gratitude can actually impact one’s outlook. It must been deeper than the simple “I am grateful for the sunshine today” and must be expanded with: “I am grateful for the sunshine today because _____”

Now, if you enter into a conversation with someone who is emotionally struggling with an attitude of airy gratitude, you will risk rending yourself unrelatable and your helpful efforts may be brushed aside. However, there are some ways you can bring an attitude of gratitude into your connection with them. Here are some examples:

  • “It’s so good to see you, I really enjoy our coffee-talks”
  • “It’s so good to spend some time with you”
  • “I really appreciate that you can be honest with me, thank you for trusting me and letting me in to your world”
  • “Sometimes when people feel stressed they tend to isolate themselves, thank you for letting me be here for you. I really value you in my life and I am here for you.”

Thank you for reading: it means you are aware that someone in your life might be struggling and you are exploring ways to be more present and responsive to their needs.

 

Resources:

Christmas image from: <a href=”https://www.freepik.com/free-photo/christmas-background_3142066.htm”>Designed by Kjpargeter</a>

Shawn Achor, The Happiness Advantage: The Seven Principles of Positive Psychology that Fuel Success & Performance at Work

Elisha Goldstein, Uncovering Happiness: Overcoming Depression with Mindfulness and Self-Compassion

The Process of Therapy

Three Little Things: Journaling to build Self-Worth

One key way we build self-esteem is by accomplishing the goals we set for ourselves. Every accomplished goal trickles into our sense self: it feeds our personal integrity, that sense of trust we have in ourselves that we will do what we set out to do. Our proven ability, even though only proven to ourselves, contributes to feeling good about ourselves. But what happens when a negative core belief such as “I’m not good enough” has a stronghold over our thoughts?

Negative core beliefs are false self-referencing beliefs, and they pack a pretty heavy punch. When a negative belief screams out in our brain, a powerful emotional response reverberates throughout our memory network and our body responds with much the same level of activation as when the negative belief was created – even though in the present moment we are safe. Experiences from childhood may have planted the seeds of the negative belief, and then additional life experiences may have strengthened them. Because these negative beliefs have been reinforced over and over again, they feel very true. “Negative beliefs come to create a perpetual filter through which we view ourselves and our world” (Parnell, 2007).

Negative core beliefs feel true but they are not true. Because these beliefs are capable of infiltrating all of our daily activities, social interactions, and inner dialogue, we need an equally powerful method for countering them. Counselling is an excellent way to heal early wounds and develop coping strategies for the present. There are also techniques we can focus on between sessions to practice being present with new, positive belief systems.

journal for self-worthThree Little Things: 

For this journaling activity, you are going to want to use a beautiful book: one that makes you smile when you look at. You won’t be journaling in the traditional style: this will be more of a ‘healing journal’, one that you are going to want to flip through often, to remind yourself of what you have written.

Each evening before you get ready for bed, take 10 minutes to sit down and reflect on 3 things you did well that day. These are the little things that we often over-look, that there are no accolades for. When we take the time to notice, we develop compassion for our selves. We start to see the evidence that yes, we are human and we make mistakes, but also that we are also inherently good and worthwhile beings. If you find that you are having trouble getting started, try reflecting on the list of prompts below.

Writing Prompts for Reflection:

  • What did I do well today?
  • How did I cope successfully with a triggering moment today?
  • How did I care for myself with loving kindness after a triggering moment?
  • What am I grateful for today
  • How did I demonstrate gratitude today?
  • How did I implement something I’ve been learning today?
  • How did I show kindness today?
  • How did I show up with courage in my life today?
  • How did I practice self-acceptance, or self-forgiveness today?
  • What daily goal did I follow through on today?
  • How did I live with intention today?

For more strategies on journaling to build self-compassion (and a really good read…) check out Dr. Kristin Neff’s website: self-compassion.org.

Resources:
Parnell, L. (2007). A Therapist’s Guide to EMDR: Tools and Techniques for Successful Treatment. New York NY: W.W. Norton & Company.

Vernon Community School

Rethinking Worry

My class at the VCS in December focused on worry and anxiety. Starting with a description and discussion of the differences between these, the focus was on strategies to be with emotions differently (working from a felt-sense, and building both grounding and emotion-regulation skills).

So what does worry, anxiety, fear, and panic have in common? Each state amps up our nervous system: awakening our senses and moving us into readiness for action – for our survival. Each state has a helpful side to it as well as a problematic side.worry_bird

Worry can encourage us to take action to change a situation. For example, a few years back I was worried that I wasn’t confident driving a car with standard transmission (which was all I had to drive at the time). I took a few extra driving lessons to gain experience and build confidence. The problematic side of worry however, shifts our thinking into a negative and catastrophic cycle. Focusing on themes that exacerbate a sense of helplessness, incongruence, and unpredictability can spiral us into anxiety. Worrying at this end of the continuum tends of focus on imagined future problems, which, by their very nature exceed our present-moment problem-solving abilities. In my example, had I focused on stalling the car while at an intersection, or rolling back down a hill, my worries would have shifted into anxiety and I might have found excuses to just not drive the car!

The trouble with worrying is that it appears as though it should be helpful. After all, we are in a sense working through a problem from many different angels! As practical as that sounds, worrying does not help us find solutions to our problems, mainly because the focus of worry tends to center on problems that can not be solved with present-moment resources.

“I’ve had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened”
– Mark Twain

The anxiety reaction serves us well if we are presented with real-life danger and need to respond rapidly and effectively to the situation. It activates our body and our mind, putting us on high alert and causing us to scan for possible danger. Anxiety is always an attempt to stay safe – our bodies built-in survival mechanism. Anxiety becomes problematic when there is no real danger and the anxiety response goes off anyway. It becomes a problem when the intense felt-sense of anxiety and the cognitions of anxiety get in the way of our daily activities. The thoughts associated with anxiety most often focus on the future, which can lead to too many unresolved “what ifs”. These are problematic by nature because we can not foresee the future, and they have a tendency to lead us towards the negative. As we move into anxiety, subtle changes start to take place in the body as the nervous system moves into activation. The anxiety response serves us well if we are faced with real danger (flight/fight/freeze response). It is less helpful when the danger is imagined and we are trying to evaluate a future course of action: forecasting the worst-case scenario just leaves us feeling apprehensive and fearful.

Practice 1: Grounding
Learning a new way to be with emotions can ben challenging. And just reading about it, or talking about it, doesn’t really help us learn how to do it. We have to actually learn to connect with the felt sense of emotion, and develop ways to settle the discomfort or fear that can arise when we do that. To do this, I used a guided mindfulness meditation for grounding that worked with deepening the breath.

Practice 2: Noticing the Felt-Sense of Emotion
Instead of running from worry, try focusing your attention on the way worry impacts you (for example, when you notice yourself worrying, what triggered it, how do your thoughts change, what sensations do you experience in your body, what is your typical response pattern for coping?). Once you have tuned in, use the grounding technique, and then prepare yourself to deal with the situation. Sometimes we need to pause and tune in so that we can respond to the situation with conscious intention. 

Practice 3: Linguistics Play a Role
The words we use play a strong role in how we perceive our self, others, and the world around us. Our words have the power to impact our quality of life – some words can be destructive, and other words can be empowering. Over the next few days, tune in to the words you use. Do you use a lot of “I can’t”, or should, could, always, never, or other words that focus on pain, scarcity, or blame? If you catch yourself using them, try swapping them out for statements that are more empowering. For example:

  • I can’t = I’m currently struggling with
  • It’s a problem = It’s an opportunity
  • I’m not getting it = I am learning and growing
  • What am I going to do? = I will be able to handle this
  • It’s terrible! = I can move on from this

References:
McLaren, K (2010). The Language of Emotions: What your feelings are trying to tell you.
Miller, K (2012). Mind-Body Attunement Therapy: Clinical Strategies

The Process of Therapy

Creative Approaches for Children: ‘Live Calm Kids’ Group

“Do children’s groups really work? Do they actually engage in the process?”

Yesterday I was promoting a children’s group that I am co-facilitating (Live Calm Kids), and these are the questions someone asked me. They are great questions, and I really enjoyed our conversation. I thought it would be a helpful topic to write about – because many others might be wondering the same questions!

I believe that all therapy is designed to help us grow emotionally and move toward solutions to the difficulties we experience. There are so many benefits to group counselling, especially for children. The group therapy experience is unique because aside from the skilled facilitators, participants are within their peer group. The group itself becomes a powerful vehicle for change because so much of our learning comes from our social interactions.

“We human beings are social beings” (Dalai Lama)

When a group environment is positive and well facilitated, the universal needs for belonging, acceptance, and approval can be met, which foster resiliency in children. Experiencing a sense of “fitting in” can be difficult for those struggling with anxiety – a counselling group can be a powerful place for them to feel accepted and valued. A sense of belonging comes to replace their feelings of isolation and separateness.

children_waterfrontWhen children are struggling with anxiety, they often feel as though something is wrong with them. Because of this, bringing together a group of children with similar difficulties is powerful. Together they discuss emotions, learn about their reactions, and practice coping skills within a supportive group setting; with the subtle underpinning that they are not alone in their experience. Being around others with similar difficulties helps kids to feel understood, a powerful antidote to the sense of being different from others.

In a counselling group, children have the ability to watch others learn coping behaviours and hear their stories of success. This instills hope and inspiration as they become encouraged by their peers’ positive experiences.

We are social beings, and as such much of our self-esteem is development via feedback and reflection from others. Group counselling provides children with opportunities to improve their ability to relate to others through discussions, art, movement, and playful techniques.

And we can’t forget the power of modeling when it comes to learning! The group facilitators have an important role in modeling active listening, providing non-judgmental feedback, and offering support. Over the course of the group, children start to pick up on these behaviours and incorporate them. And by doing so, they being to receive increasingly positive feedback from others, which serves to enhance their self-esteem and emotional growth.

The course of therapy and healing will be unique for everyone; group therapy can establish the foundations necessary to reduce stress-related symptoms and lead to positive changes. Please contact me if you would like to learn more about the group Live Calm Kids.

LiveCalmKids


Resources:

Paul Kymissis & David Halperin (ed), Group Therapy with Children and Adolescents
Cathy Malchiodi, Creative Interventions with Traumatized Children
Irvin Yalom, The Theory and Practice of Group Therapy