A good nights sleep (and more importantly, consecutive nights of getting good sleep!) is incredibly important, yet it is something as adults we rarely give much attention to. Our brains need sleep in order to function properly and regulate emotion effectively. Learning is easier when we sleep well, and so is decision making. Even coping with change becomes more manageable when our brains have been rested! Jim White (2000) writes,
“Poor sleeping fails to recharge the individual’s batteries. Thus, during the next day, the individual is less able to fight the effects of stress. Stress then feeds the sleep problems the following night and a vicious cycle has developed. Over a period of weeks or months, the individual’s ability to cope slowly declines. Learning how to improve the quality and quantity of sleep will leave the individual in a better state to fight daytime stress. Fighting daytime stress will help the individual overcome sleep problems. A positive cycle has replaced the vicious cycle.”
Read on to learn ideas on creating and implementing a bedtime routine that soothes. Every person is unique, so please do add/edit/modify as necessary to fit your own life better.
It is important to create a bedtime routine that you can be consistent with each night, regardless of the time you go to bed. Anytime we try out a new routine, I always suggest to try following it consistently for 21 days – simply because evidence does suggest that the more frequently we do something, the more likely it is to become instinctual. So in other words, the more a behaviour is repeated, the more likely it will become a part of your routine.
The following is a list of ideas for creating a soothing bedtime routine. No need to incorporate all of them – select the ones that fit for you and your life, and then create your own routine!
- Start the bedtime routine about 30 minutes prior to the time you want to be in bed
- Take a shower, or even just wash your face/hands – doing so is symbolic of washing the remnants of the day away
- Make a cup of decaf tea for yourself, or have a glass of water
- Sit down (but not in bed), and take a few minutes to write out any left-over thoughts that are troubling you. Troubling thoughts could go in to a ‘dumping journal’ – which is never kept but instead each entry destroyed in order to create closure, a sense of letting go, and to ensure your privacy. The thoughts that go into the dumping journal are often the angry, sad, or fearful thoughts that you wouldn’t want to look back on.
- End with a positive note: use another journal (one that you want to keep and look back on) to finish on a positive note. You could write anything in this one – something you hope for the next day, what you did well this day, what you have learned that you want to remember, something someone did for you that was kind, etc. You could also fill it with beautiful pictures, sayings that are important to you, and so forth. This is the journal that lifts you up and leaves you smiling.
- Put the journal away – you have given attention to those troubling thoughts and devised a plan for the next day, so you can be finished looking at those troubling thoughts for the night now
- Read. Not a murder mystery, and not a book that will take a lot of analytical thinking. Try a frivolous read – doing so can help you start to settle.
- Still not feeling settled? Lay down in bed and try listening to a meditation for relaxing. Jon Kabat-Zinn (mindfulness meditation) and Paul McKenna (guided hypnosis) have excellent recorded meditations – but there are many other options.
If you find your mind wandering towards troublesome thoughts while you are listening to the meditation, try to bring your awareness back to the meditation, with gentle kindness towards yourself. You are learning something new, after all – and that can take time. If you find that troublesome thoughts are overpowering, you can no longer focus, or if fear is mounting rapidly, get out of bed. Once you are out of bed, return to your sitting place and write or scribble those thoughts into the dumping journal. If you live with someone caring, try talking with them. Afterwards, remind yourself that although looking at these troublesome thoughts is helpful, it is not helpful to ruminate on them at bedtime. You have given some attention to them and you will attend more to them tomorrow!
References & Helpful Resources:
- Jim White (2000). Treating Anxiety and Stress
- Jon Kabat-Zinn, Guided Mindfulness Meditation http://www.mindfulnesscds.com/collections/all-1/products/series-4
- Paul McKenna http://www.paulmckenna.com/sleep
- Calm App (meditations and bedtime stories so you can fall asleep)